The crime that shook my world

 http://news.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne%2BNews/Crime/Story/A1Story20091228-188335.html

I always wondered how it is to have someone I know be on national news. It did happen, but honestly, not the way I'd expected to be. My hairdresser TJ as we all call him, died on Saturday. Though the rule it out to be an accident, I still think there's something really suspicious about it. And where is his car? It's yet to be found. Of course, maybe the ones who were with him might had panic and took his car and ran, but I still think it's more than meets the eye (I guess that might be the cause of CSI overdose). Even though I've watched many real crime stories on tv and as much for being an avid crime stories fan, I am still shook by what took place. I wanted to do my work undisturbed yesterday, but I guess I was so shaken up by the whole thing, I couldn't even concentrate. 

Mom and I were talking about how TJ has lost his touch (though still swift, he no longer has much of a flair), and plus, he gets engrossed in watching tv while cutting our hair! But we just laughed at how funny he looked when he was engrossed and still go back for our haircuts.


I was really thinking of switching hairdresser for awhile, since I wasn't quite as happy with his styling. But now, even if I wanted TJ to cut my hair, it will never be possible anymore. So I'm glad that I went back for the last haircut. I guess I never really gave TJ a second thought. He was just this guy whom I get my haircut from regularly. This guy who knew exactly how we wanted our hair to be cut, and knew that my mom would only want to use her own comb. But somehow, since his demise, I've been thinking. Maybe I should have talked to him more, maybe I should have prayed for him (maybe then this wouldn't have happened).The usual shoulda coulda woulda. This teaches me to never take anyone for granted, even if they're not a big part of my life.

And like they always do when someone passes, the last thing he said to me was  " Merry Christmas" (ironically, Christmas was about the time he left this world).

RIP TJ. Gonna miss your haircuts.

Lost

I was so lost recently. First, I got lost in terms of work. After a month of not being able to meet with my supervisor, I sorta wondered what to do and how to progress... now that's the worst. Wanting very much to do some work (I know, Grace and work are not synonymous) but didn't know what to do.. all I could do was wait till my supervisor came back. That's one..

If that wasn't enough, I went to China again. I hate China (I know 'hate' is a tough word, but really.. I'm not going to mince my words here). I don't care what people think of me.. yes, my ancestors are from there, but it's them who are from there.. not me! Anyway, here's why I hate going to China (Shanghai especially):

1. Lost in translation - they can't understand me, I can't understand them. I'm feel like a complete illiterate when I'm there, and therefore, that's a whole big problem when going and getting to places. (They couldn't even understand us when we said Carrefour!)

2. People are uncivilized - I know how Shanghai got its reputation as a metropolitan city, but the people? civilized is not what I'd use to describe the people there:

• They spit all over the place 
• their toilets are dirtier than Malaysia's (that's REALLY bad). And some of them don't even shut the door when doing their "thing" (surprise!)
  
• they shout at you for no reason, and ruin your perfectly chirpy mood. Actually, they shout all the time. Their "joking tone" and "arguing tone" sound the same. Trust me, I've tried analysing their talk the whole trip (and thus eavesdropping). 
• the ULTIMATE : They can't follow traffic rules (i.e.they misinterpret traffic lights..  red=green, green=green, yellow= green.. hahahah), they go counter traffic, they honk when it's in fact their fault, and they drive as if it's some emergency. That's the experience I got from sitting multiple taxis. REALLY scary.

3. The food is bad -  When I thought of going to China, I thought to myself "OH NO. THE FOOD SUCKS". Shanghai wasn't as bad as Beijing, but I think I won't be able to survive their food in the long run. Their milk tastes weird, their plain "white" bread is sweet, their dishes are very salty and very oily.
But hey, their white rice is nice though, and I love their hawthorn berry dipped in sugar syrup (now THAT I can eat everyday ;)  ). Oh, and I found a pancake that somehow looked and tasted like roti canai, I found out  that they copied that from Taiwan, but I'd bet if you trace it down.. the origin would be from Malaysia! Hehe, but it made me miss home even more!

4. Facebook - I was happy to know that my hotel had free internet. But guess what?! China banned Facebook! And Twitter! I found out that it was due to some riot, but I didn't bother to find out more. Now THAT is being really disconnected and lost!

Anyway, to top it all off... I lost my digital camera. Well, not mine, it belongs to my family, but I definitely had something to do with it. And the worst thing? I can't even remember what happened! :(
**Update: at least we got back some pay-out from the travel insurance :) it makes it a little better.


So, I know what you're thinking. All my complaints about China? Is Malaysia that perfect? I'm not saying that. Malaysia is not perfect, but it's my home. Perhaps I'm the type of person who no matter where I go, I will still think of my perfectly imperfect Malaysia. I belong here, and so it's here that I'm staying :)

Facebook accounts and names

I would have to admit that even though there's much hype surrounding Facebook (aka FB), it can't hold much of my attention these days. Sure, I have stuff to do, but when I have a little time on my hands, FB is no longer my idea of leisure. However, whenever I am on FB, I found out that there is a fun thing to do. And no, it's not the various game applications that FB has to offer, but rather.. it has to do with real people, and real names. Yes. In awhile, you'd realize that however weird those names are, people have adopted them as their English names. And note that I only deal with English names (which strangely is somehow always attached to a Chinese surname). Not of other languages (because I can't speak much of any other language).

With that silly, rather boring intro.. I now present to you names that I found amusing/silly/funny (you'd have the task of figuring out which name belongs to which category).

Firstly, those of the food family...


Milk Lin
Lollipop Tan
Porridge Chew
Orange Cham
Raisin Wu
Tay Melon
Pineapple Ng


I know you might be hungry by now, but I'm not done yet! And now, for those of the animal kingdom..

Bunny Yo
Sheep Yang
Pony Wu

And well.. everything else...

Wood Ding
Focus Wu (probably was distracted all the time...like me)
Light Wang
Relex Eng (did he really mean relax or rolex?)
Accept Zhang
Petty Lin (I think she meant.. pRetty)
Decade Loh
Flame Ng
Boredchild Lek

These are REAL names. Check it up on FB if you don't believe me :p I actually just wanted to put their first names but thought it won't be believable. Anyway, this is suppose to be a private blog so I guess I'm kinda almost free to say whatever I want.. hehe.So next time you're bored.. do what I do, go to FB fan pages (especially those which will appeal to Chinese teenagers), and take a look.. you'd be amazed :)

Drawing an invisible line

I have to admit that I can't draw straight lines. Even if I use a ruler, my line will end up senget anyway. But do you know I can draw an invisible line? An invisible isn't so straightforward, and so it's hard for all of us, and some can't even draw it. But yet, I have a knack for it. Actually, the invisible line pertains to the relationship with me and Dr. Ummul. I probably mentioned before.. we have actually forged a friendship while I was working for her for 6 months. And when she became my supervisor for the second time.. that was when things started becoming complicated. You know, she's my supervisor and yet she's my friend kinda thing..

I guess both she and I made it a point to maintain a certain social distance. I would go through her secretary for appointments, and she would get her secretary to call me up when the appointment needs rescheduling. And when I meet her to discuss my work, the conversations were purely academic. Of course, in some way.. I did miss Dr. Ummul my friend. It's been awhile since we chatted about nothing much, and she'll tell me about funny stories. So when I emailed her one time.. I added a p.s. I should buy you lunch one of these days. Her reply was not even cordial, so I thought she would just rather maintain the supervisor-supervisee relationship. I accepted it.

And then... yesterday. She texted me asking if I was in uni. I became panicky thinking that there was something wrong with my progress report (it was time to grade my progress) so I asked if there was anything wrong. She said it was nothing and to drop by for lunch when you're on campus. I told her I would buy her lunch when she's free and also would meet her pertaining to my research. Actually, I scheduled for Tues.. and then today, she text me and said to do lunch on mon.. since she isn't going to be free on Tues. So, ok.. I was fine with it. And then, her secretary called me up to tell me the appointment needs rescheduling (clearly she didn't know about our lunch date) but I missed the call. So I knew what Dr was trying to do.. and I made it a point to call her secretary to reschedule and sync it with our lunch date.

So I guess this invisible line will exist as long as she's my supervisor. But I'm glad that we have this line.. at least that way, when we're in friends mode we can filter out everything academic from our conversations, and when we're in supervisor-supervisee mode we can filter out the crap talk. Either way, it's the best for the both of us.

Learning life's lessons from ants

Baking and my love for sweet stuff has lead me to constantly encounter ants. For such tiny creatures such as themselves, they sure create BIG chaos.

There are times when I am in a generous mood, so generous that I'd let the ants get away with some of my cake crumbs (that's how much I love cake). And it is at those times that I lament about how ants seem more "human" than humans themselves. There was a time when I just gobbled up what was left of my chocolate cake and a few crumbs fell on the kitchen counter. One of the resident ants, Anthony (it's lame, I know..), found it and for a few seconds, he was dancing around as a human would when one strikes rich. The problem was that that crumb was bigger than usual (perhaps that's why the ant was really happy) and since Anthony was alone at the time, he was not able to carry it alone. Still, an ant being an ant, Anthony tried nonetheless. I watched as the ant struggled to keep his balance, and quite pitied him. And then, another ant (let's name her ANThea), came strolling by and found Anthony struggling. She panicked and ran back towards the direction she was coming from. But to my surprise, Anthea came back with another two more ants and together, the 4 of them carried that crumb.

Which led me to think.. will humans do that? Go out of their way to help someone? I know some would. But I guess what made me sad was that this disease of being individualistic is affecting even me. Why is it such a norm to just stop and stare at people who are in trouble and not lift and finger? Why can't we be like ants whom, when seeing others in difficulty, go out there and help carry the burden, knowing there's risk involved (e.g. ants-squashing-humans like me..).


People say humans are becoming more civilized, but I beg to differ. Sadly, I'm one of 'em humans. Like one of my favorite poems goes:


Have I not reason to lament. What man has made of man? - "Line Written in Early Spring", William Wordsworth

To the person who said "Life is a box of chocolates.."

Sorry, man (or lady) but somehow I'd have to disagree with you on this one. I think people themselves are like chocolates.

Of course you won't really know what you'll be getting in life, but for the most part, people plan at least part of their lives. So they have a rough ideas of what their lives are going to be like in the near future.

However, people are different in every sense of the word.I was thinking.. people could generally be like:

A. Kinder Surprise; the person is really sweet, but as you get to know the person, you find that what's within is not really what you expected (the toy is just a disappointment).

B. Doraemon chocolate box (the one with a pack of chocolate and a toy inside) ; the person may seem inferior to kinder surprise (in terms of ability or character) but when you dig deeper, you find that actually the toy inside is better and more pleasant than Kinder Surprise.


Whichever, they do have their legion of fans. Kinder Surprise, though the toy that's hidden inside of that sweet and good quality chocolate has no earthly use (what I'd say for my mom's diamonds),  but the sweet lovely chocolate coats that useless toy and so those who tasted the chocolate will overlook the useless toy.

Doraemon chocolate box, on the other hand, has something better to offer than Kinder Surprise but due to its dull appearance and inferior chocolate, many are not even interested to know him/her. However, those who give this box a chance will find that what's inside outshines the exterior and they love him/her for that.

Well, that could be a brand new theory. There are 2 types of chocolate people. HAHAHA. Incidentally, I have a chocolate cake baking in the oven. And I still need to get my afternoon coffee fix :) Maybe after that, I'd be more sane.

Follow the Food

I'm a foodie. I really really think I am. I'm not just one who enjoys food, cook and bake, but for me, food is more than that. I get excited, fascinated over new fruits, new plants, new ingredients.

Which brings me to a dilemma. As much as I love language, I realize that I'm not as fascinated by it as I am with food. But will food put food on the table? AHAHAHAHA. I know, that sounds funny. Anyway, I recently had this thing about food.. what I'd do is that I will taste a certain kind of ingredient (for example, yogurt) and think what other ingredients will be good to pair it up with. I never had this habit.. and now that I do, I start eating a wider variety of food. I never liked vegetables, but now I start eating brinjal and I love it. I start tasting ingredients in their original form, be it mayo, yogurt, tea.. and what can I say, I'm crazy about food.

I even spend my time thinking about food. Like I would think of different cakes I could bake, and I would watch chefs on tv and pick up their habits. And needless to say, I would spend hours on allrecipes.com finding new cakes to bake, and watching countless shows on the Asian Food Channel.

One would say, hey.. I'm a small eater. Yes, I am. But I try small portions of each dish. Not because I'm on a diet, it's because I can't eat much.. and if I eat a lot of the first 2-3 dishes, I won't have the appetite for the rest. Strategy, I'd say. One who has a passion for food need not have a big appetite.

And one more thing to consider. As much as I enjoy baking and cooking, I am pretty good at it. Flair, my dad says.  He's always told me to go to chef school. I used to laugh it off, but now, I am considering going to chef school. Maybe after I complete my masters.. instead of getting Permanent Head Damage, I'll be cooking up a storm.

We'll see :)

Losing a friend.. for a lifetime.

I was following 15Malaysia's progress on videos and how many fans they managed to attract. In Facebook where I just log on now for sekelip mata, I read the note and noticed they tagged Yasmin Ahmad. Since they did tag Yasmin Ahmad, I thought to myself that it must be her real facebook account (instead of those ciplak phony accounts where people act like they are the real thing). So I just managed to catch a glimpse of what was written on her wall. For the moment, those messages brought me to tears... I hardly knew Yasmin Ahmad's work except Chocolate, and I didn't know her personally either.. but those messages of how much the people she loved who loved her back missed her, and was thinking of her, those hearts she touched just made me want to know her. Of course it's too late now...

That made me think of friends I've lost for a lifetime. I remember back years ago, I had this tuition mate, Jehan, who was probably one of the sweetest and prettiest girls I knew back then. Note that when I was in secondary school, nobody who was as pretty as her would ever be friends with me (since I was nothing but some fat nerd...) and we became fast friends. Incidentally, another friend from another tuition class happened to be her school mate too.. hahaa, JB is a small small place. Anyway, one day, probably shortly after form 5, I received a call from Hana (my other tuition mate).. on the other end, I heard that she was sobbing uncontrollably... and when I listened to her, I finally understood why. Jehan had passed away.. she was diagnose with an illness (can't remember what).. and she had passed away. She was just 17. I remembered I lied in bed thinking why I did not talk to her more, and wondered if I emailed her, she would email back.. (of course if she did, it'd be spooky.. hahahah). Even till today, after so many years.. I miss Jehan. I remember her smile, remember how she was ever so sweet to this fat, blur, nerdy Chinese girl, and how pretty she looked with her hairband.. And I guess that's how I'd remember her for the rest of my life.

Another friend was Lorraine. She was a school mate and she lived just a street away. The strange thing was, not long before her death, mom and I were taking a walk around the neighbourhood and we happened to be passing by Lorraine's house.. she happened to be there and she waved at me. Shortly after that, I added her up on Friendster and she sent me a message saying that we should meet each other more often since we're neighbours. But then, it never quite happened.. or it will not happen again. After I received news of her death (which till this day, remains a controversy to me), I remembered there were times when I used go through my friendster friends list and just stare at her profile.. sure, I was not close to her, but even then, something made me do that just to comfort myself..

That is what brought tears to my eyes when I was reading Yasmin Ahmad's FB wall. I was remembering all these friends whom I've loved and lost and though not as close, it still hurts. And I wonder, if I were to leave this earth today.. what would my FB profile wall be filled with?

Baki Zainal

In case you're wondering who in the world Baki Zainal is.. allow me to explain. I was on the 15malaysia website and watching my "favorite" person in the whole wide world, the famous (or is 'infamous' more appropriate here?) Rembau MP, Khairy Jamaluddin a.k.a. KJ on some short film called "Meter". Honestly, I think he should stop talking flowery crap and just go become some actor... that's where he truly belongs. Anyway, enough of me actually indirectly praising KJ's acting ability (trust me, a part of me was really reluctant to do so)..

Ah, yes, Baki Zainal.. so I was halfway through watching the video when this guy.. in his appearance of less than 3 mins spoke 3 languages! First he spoke Malay, then English and when he got angry at KJ (haha padan muka KJ), shouted at him in Mandarin. I was really impressed!! So, naturally.. I searched for him on google and found his blog.. and as I read.. I found this..

"i am Malay, i received Mandarin education, my ancestors came from Pundhicherry, india. My manager and blood brother is chinese and i have different races as friends.. does that makes me less of a malay? in fact that does not bother me now .. i am proud to be Malaysian."

from: Baki Zainal; http://ice-passion-vanilla-tea.blogspot.com/

And I was thinking to myself... hey, that's so freakin me! I've never really felt like a typical Chinese after all! I have friends of different races, more often than not, they outnumber "my own kind" because I seriously can't communicate or "click" with most Chinese people (Malaysian or non-Malaysian). And yet, it does not bother me that I'm not very Chinese (I'm not even the least good at math! hahahaha) or like my friends used to call me.. cina murtad. I realized that this is my life, and I don't really care what others think.. I'm un-Chinese, but I am Malaysian.. and to me, that's the only identity I'm proud of. How would I know? Well..

I realized that every time I was overseas, I would be on the look out for Malaysians. It didn't matter if they were of other races or religion.. I feel comfortable whenever I am around Malaysians. Really, I wouldn't be comfortable around Chinese people from China, or Taiwan or whatever (I can't even speak proper Chinese). Race and ethnicity does not define who I am, I could meet a Chinese from Yugoslavia and still not feel any connection.. I mean, I couldn't possible be talking about Malaysia's hot weather, or complain about the haze, or rave about some mamak stall in JB.. that person would probably not know what the heck I'm talking about anyway. I think it's having the same culture, the same way of life that makes one feel at ease.. and to me, I have been accustomed to the Malaysian culture. 'Nuff said.

Baki Zainal, bro, you're not alone. :)

P/s: man, am I feeling patriotic or what! ;)

I love you, Malaysia.

National day aka Merdeka Day is here again. All these years, Merdeka Day has always been "just another holiday".. it was the only reason why I was happy that it existed in the first place. But I don't know if it's age or just pure "I've come to my senses", this year is different. I actually am happy that it is here, and not just because it's a holiday.

Don't get me wrong, I am not going to dig into history or something (didn't I tell you? I SUCK at Sejarah). Previously, when someone ever mentioned "Merdeka Day", there will always be a mental textbook-ish image of the late Tunku Abdul Rahman lifting his hand up while shouting "MERDEKA" three times (ok, now that image is really STUCK in my head)

But that's not the point. I realize that celebrations are not ALL about the things in the past. It's a thing of the present! :) And.. me.. being not half, not 3/4 but ALL Malaysian (which I pride myself in), am happy that I'm part of it. Malaysia isn't just about tropical weather, not just about roti canai, teh tarik etc etc (sorry if you are fasting), but it's about the people.. it's about how while we're different, we are the same. We live in the same place, eat the same food, talk the same way (though there are dialects), assume the same things (like how amber traffic light means "DRIVE FASTER LAH!")... and we have the same identity... MALAYSIAN.

So to Malaysians, wherever in the world you may be, whatever you might be doing (at the moment, probably berbuka puasa), I wish you a happy happy Merdeka Day :) And although I might not say this often enough, but.. I love you, Malaysia.

I've been jammin'

It's true what they say. Grad school does make you want to do crazy things. And what does end up with once he/she is done with grad school? A Permanent head Damage aka PhD. I've been overwhelmed with work lately, but I promised myself that I will stay happy, do other things apart from my thesis and still stay in touch with people.

Hahaha, I recently decided to make my own homemade jam for my mom's birthday cake. It's a tedious process of boiling blueberries (or any other fruit) in grape juice until it reduces, and adding in some pectin (I couldn't find any, so I used gelatin instead). And yes, in case you're wondering, I baked my mom's cake as well :)

So here it is boiling away...
















And viola! The jam after 30 minutes of stirring, and stirring and... stirring.















And then, here it is on my English breakfast tea cake (I know it's not pretty, but the jam was awesome!)...















Was it worth it?? Totally :)
















What's next? Probably daddy's cake. I might attempt homemade peanut butter if he wants :) It's my own crazy way of staying sane.

New friends

For the next two years, this group of friends will be accompanying me as I do my research. They will be right there as I read, I will be well-acquainted with them, I will know (or at least seek to know) them as much as possible. They're all quite different, though some may appear at similar places, and some may be quite similar in character, but they are unique in each way, and so I hope to know them in this two years...

Meet some of my new friends (I may discover more as I go along..)

..... Mr. So
..... Ms. Okay
..... Mrs. Well
..... Mr. But
..... Mrs. I-mean
...... Ms. You-know
...... Mr. Yeah

They have one thing in common though. They're all discourse markers.

Hahaha, jokes aside, that's what my research topic is. I've made up my mind, and my supervisor said yes (she even said it's a good topic), and whether I like it or not, I'm stuck with these bunch of jokers.. So, wish me all the best as I climb this hill of discourse markers, and with some unknown territories (which unfortunately, I have to explore). Hope I don't tumble and fall like Jack & Jill ;P

Meeting "myself"

Last night was one pleasant surprise. I met a girl who was kinda like... me. Ok, I've always said that I like being myself, but I don't always like myself. But truth is, I like the person that I am, I just don't like it when I do and say stupid things, and the fact that I always mess up almost everything I touch (which comprises of 3/4 of the time). Having said that, I think that if I were to be friends with me, I think I would kinda like that.

But this isn't about me, it's about this girl who I met last night. Ok, I was pretty fascinated by the fact that we're similar.. and naturally, we hit it off right away. Certain things we have in common:


1. She is of the same major - a TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) graduate. An automatic common ground right there.

2. She loves coffee and cakes. She loves spending time in places like Coffee Bean & Starbucks (hahahahaha... my coffee soul mate!)

3. She really frank. She told me things about her family that probably shouldn't be told to a person she's meeting for the first time (It reminded me of myself, as I always reveal things which I later regret).

Just a few facts of why we "click". But overall, her demeanor and ways constantly reminded me of myself. So hey, I actually do like myself quite abit!

Human Nature

Why is human nature such that only when one is gone, he is appreciated? I've always been a fan of Michael Jackson. Always. Even when I didn't articulate it, I've always loved his music.

One can laugh at his strange antics, his fanatic ways, and how he is wacko jacko. But really, at the end of the day, can we find another like him? Can we find one as legendary, as talented, as entertaining? I doubt it. And isn't it ironic that the same people who ridiculed him and now honoring him? Hah.

It's a coincidence though, that a week before his death, I was actually listening to a lot of Michael Jackson's songs, from his Jackson 5 days to his current singles. Somehow I learnt to appreciate a true legend.

And one thing Michael left me? A double gold disc History collection which will be treasured always, and this song in my head...

♪Why why, tell 'em that it's human nature...

Losing my freedom

This week marks the end of my temporary holiday. But it was AWESOME while it lasted. And it lasted for a year! Well, was not hoping for a permanent holiday... probably would get a brain damage if I do that, so yeah.. I'm taking a step into a whole new-old world. Familiar place, a familiar face (with dear Dr. Ummul as my supervisor), but yet it feels... foreign.

I'll be starting my masters programme next week. I don't know how it'll turn out, but if I did survive the undergraduate programme while I was still clueless about everything, then masters would be better, I think. So here's to me saying goodbye to my holiday...

Presenting....

My very first cake.



My sis wanted to bake a cheesecake for her bf's birthday, and suggested that we bake one for dad too, since it's Father's Day. And so I agreed. Actually.. I was just standing around being useless at first when she told me to bake dad's cake while she baked the other cake.. and so I did. I chose a simple recipe.. butter durian cake. It didn't take as long as I thought it would, I didn't mess up as much as I thought I would.. and it actually looked like a cake in the end. Hah! I guess it's a good start..... and the best thing? My dad actually liked it :) And so did my dog (well, she likes almost anything!).

Learning from mistakes

I messed up again. And this time, it was the preset of the tv channels. I was trying to receive a new channel, and so I fine tuned the tv, only to realize that once I do that, all the channels will go haywire! Obviously I began to panic and wonder how my parents were going to react. But then I calmed down and say hey.. since it's already messed up, might as well play around with it for awhile! And so I did.. I explored and found out how to preset the channels (something I won'tever learn if I hadn't messed up in the first place) and so now.. all the channels are back in their original slot. Yay for Grace! Now I wonder if I should even tell them about it.. hmmm.

Anyway, this goes to show that we've got to mess up every once in awhile to learn stuff. It's kinda like falling face first into the mud only to find out that mud is actually good for your skin.. hahahaha, not a good analogy, but I hope you get what I mean.

MERDEKA!

THE CONFERENCE IS OVER! YAY!

I suddenly have nothing to do. Well, not really.. but with Dr. Ummul's permission, I'm able to enjoy myself before going back to work. But it's a different kind of work this time.. just reading some articles, and making a summary.. stuff like that. Intellectual, but it's not something I have to wreck my brains for..

Honestly, I didn't expect to do so well for the conference presentation. And honestly, I didn't expect many people to come to my presentation either. Just before the presentation, I was giving out the handouts and then I mentally counted the people that were in the room.. 13. I was so happy, I wasn't even expecting 10; I also imagined talking to myself in a big empty hall.. HAHAHA. Talk about low expectations. Anyway, after awhile, this really nice moderator named Darshini came in and explained what was going to happen and she introduced me before I officially started presenting.. I requested that she gave the rest of the handouts to those who walked in.. and so I started. It went really well.. extremely well. I was surprised at the words that came out of my mouth (must have been Lord Jesus helping me) .. I wasn't even thinking very much and I didn't even refer to the script I brought (it's word for word for the times when my mind goes blank...). At the end of the presentation, there were a few questions thrown at me, most I managed to answer accordingly, except one... but I don't want to think about it anymore.. HAHA. Good first experience if you ask me...

Anyway, 2 ladies came up front after I was finished with all the Q&A's to request for the handout, and that is when I realized.. all the handouts were given out! I made 30 copies!! There were more than 30 people in the room and I didn't even realize it! Phew.. good thing I wasn't conscious of it during my presentation, or else I would have panicked. In the words of Dr. Ummul while giving me feedback on my handouts...

" Make about 25-30 copies only. If you get more than 25 ppl in your session, you are a star!"

To think I was expecting to bring home copies of the handouts home and use them for rough use. Hah. Anyway, I'm so relieved that it's over!!! Now I gotta concentrate on my other task. The "slave master" (that's what Dr. Ummul calls herself) told me I have to start reading if I want to do another paper come April 2010...

Looks like I'm really destined to have that kind of mundane life (as though my life is not mundane enough as it is...).

It's drawing near

It's officially here. The MELTA conference. After months of writing and preparing.. it's here. I almost don't want it to be here, but it is.. and it's time to face the music. But it's a good thing that I sent my proposal in pretty late, so my slot is on the last day of the conference.. so more time to prepare and more time to panic.
It's my first time.. and I wonder which one is pressurizing, to fear that my mind goes blank in front of the crowd of people (or maybe no one wants to come to my presentation anyway...), or to cause my supervisor to lose face (since her name is in the paper too).... wait, maybe it's the combination of both. At least if it was just Grace doing this whole thing, it doesn't matter if she screws it up... I'm a nobody after all.. but noooo, Dr. Ummul is my co-author, and even if I don't do this for my reputation (which I have none), I have to do it for hers. But at least if I do screw up, she won't be wringing my neck immediately.. she's gazillion miles away at the moment.. Hah!
Sigh... it's me being all pessimistic and nervous again... I better stop mopping and start practicing..... at least come Saturday, I'll be free from the conference at last!

Rules are meant to be broken...

I was in some office while my mom was paying taxes, when I noticed a huge (allow me to reiterate... HUGE!) sign with a picture of a mobile phone and a big X on it.. and if that isn't enough, it was written in block letters NO HANDPHONE. And what do you know.. I see this lady standing right beside that great big sign, talking loudly on her mobile phone. I couldn't help but laugh in disbelief. But when I noticed my mom doing the same thing as well (just that she wasn't standing next to the sign)... it was like a slap on the face. Don't people actually read signs anymore?! Oh I'm sorry.. it's not JUST reading it, but UNDERSTANDING it.

Gone were the days when people actually follow rules. Wait a minute, actually I never experienced such a day either. The thing is, people do not follow rules. And I actually get laughed at when I do follow rules closely. My own mom will tell me "You don't have to do that, they don't care". But I do! It's not that I'm goody two shoes (which I probably am, but whatever....) but I find it easier to have a rule to follow. Maybe I'm too rigid? Sigh, whatever..

Anyway, I wonder which is easier... to follow rules that are set or to not follow the rules and complicate the whole thing.. And hey, I do not really follow rules... I drive right pass and beat the amber light anyway.. hahaha! Ok, I'm such a loser..

twit twit

I have twitter. Yes I do. I know some people who are more socially active than I am do not have twitter.. but I do. That doesn't automatically make me cool though..
Ok let's see... yesterday I posted something because my twitter updates were absolutely pathetic.. before that the last post was in December 2008.. yes, I know, pathetic. I have twitter, but unlike some people, I do not post every other minute. I don't even have anything to post.. so much so that I'm posting on my blog that I have nothing to post about.......... interesting.
So why do I have twitter again?? Because the people I follow are pretty cool.. from radio deejays to The Star newspaper to Ellen DeGeneres to some of my cool friends.. I'm really interested to see what people are up to and then compare my life to theirs (which really is pale in comparison...). So that's what I use twitter for.

right. I'm just gonna go now. But if you're on twitter and want to follow me (for whatever crazy reason).. my twitter username is my_saving_grace. Updates not guaranteed though.. lol.

the "trance" in transcribing

Ever thought you heard voices in your head? Well, that was what happened to me for a period of time.. except that this time, it's literal.
Part of my thesis, both the one I had done for my undergraduate degree and the one I am going to do for my masters degree, is collection of data. And this pool of data that I had or am going to have requires me to transcribe real-time conversation or speech. Yup, raw... unrehearsed.. a lot of times ungrammatical... and at times, pure hilarious. And transcribing is a painful process... PAINFUL process... both to the mind, body, and well.. mostly eyes and ears.
The one I did for my undergraduate was audio, where I transcribed based on what I can hear and maybe remember what the gestures were, but this one that I had done for my boss, Dr. Ummul is a video recording.. which means is twice the pain.. I have to record almost every movement that the speaker makes AND every single damn word s/he says. Haha.. I'm just getting myself in real hot soup for the next 2 years or so...
But I'm real proud of myself.. even when I felt like an old lady.. with a sore back, a strained neck and getting all muddled because of the flu bug, I managed to complete the task on time! I painfully transcribed 67 minutes of engineering lecture without having the background knowledge of engineering. And really.. I just made sure I transcribed the lecture without even trying to understand.. because trying to understand will only make my simple mind even more confused. So for the past more than a week or so.. that's what I have been doing. And yay! I'm free from transcribing.. at least for now.

Oh, and for my masters thesis.. I need another 10-15 hours of those stuff.. so I guess that's like another at least 8 hours of pure pain. I'm so looking forward to it (I think). -____-"

Living up to one's name

I was thinking, if everyone had the responsibility to live up to their name... what would it be like? Of course, you can't live up to a name like 'Apple' (you can't act more apple than you are) or 'Seven' (how can someone be very seven?) but... like... Grace. Now, someone I just met the other day, when I told him my name is Grace, he told me "Wow, a girl with a big name".. and I thought to myself, yeah, since I was named Grace.. I should strive to be more gracious, graceful and everything Grace. Or if your name is Victor.. you would try to be victorious in everything right? Or if you're named after a great person, you would still want to live up to that good name..

I used to hate my name. When I was very young, like 6 or 7... my friends would laugh at my name. Most of my friends who were Chinese used to laugh at me because I wasn't known by a Chinese name, and others just couldn't pronounce my name properly. Up to now, there are still people who can't pronounce my name.. but it's a lot better than before (at least it's easy to spell!). And then when I was in secondary school, I had a principal named Mrs. Gracie.. and actually, Gracie is a nickname which I'm known by. Unfortunately, Mrs. Gracie wasn't popular at all (if you get what I mean).. and yet again, I was teased because of my name. So I wasn't a very big fan of my own name.. But as I grew older, I realized the beauty of my name.. the name which I grew to love, the name which is the symbol of all things gentle and good, the name I can proudly call my own, and a name people are envious of! Still, it's a big name to live up to... and damn am I trying my best.

a polluted pool of faces (part 2)

This is a continuation of the previous entry...


Drowning in the pool of faces,
being beaten out of my common sense, stripped of my integrity,
They took even my voice, my chance to speak out to at least call for help.
But then in a distance, i saw a Light
a Light that warmed my soul once again,
that restored my self-identity.
I was initially frightened by this Bright Light,
but I realized this Light knew me, He understood.
Since then,
each time I felt like I was drowning,
This Light picked me up, restored me, and He loved me.
I am still in a pool of faces,
but I stand out because the glow of this Light who loves me, shows on my face.
I no longer fear of drowning in this pool,
because this Light will constantly uphold me, and help me to stay afloat.
I love you, my Bright Light.

The Malaysian in Australia

I shouldn't go for vacations often. Seriously. I was so happy that I lost weight while on vacation, but the minute I came back from Malaysia, I started eating like crazy. I miss my sambal belacan and nasi beriyani, rendang, etc I guess... ugh. There goes my diet. It's weird isn't it? People put on weight while on vacation.. I put on weight after a vacation. Like my friend Julianne from Sydney said,"Grace, you're too Malaysian.. it's sick."
So I'm a sick, overly Malaysian girl.. well, for one, the sick part is right.. I did get sick anyway. It's a good thing it's not some fever (since there's the whole swine flu problem), but just some stuffy nose. But hey.. did you know that the people I met think Malaysians are kinda cool?! My sis and I were sitting at this table during Marianne's wedding reception in Sydney and this guy was talking to two other kids (teenagers, but still kids to me) and he was reading out the menu.. and asked the kids "How do you say it in Malaysian?" I was like pleasantly surprised.. since when is speaking like a Malaysian actually cool? Also, the two Malaysians (my sis and I) were the only two people who were downing the bowl full of sliced red chillis.. and the rest of the people were looking at us eating the red chillis as if we were doing it for their amusement.. they started asking a whole lot of questions about our weird eating habits (weird to them, usual for us..).
See! Being too Malaysian isn't that bad after all.. at least we were deemed cool by the people at our table.. haha. But I'm glad to be back home. I've had enough of getting lost in the city of Sydney, eating bread and drowning in a crowd full of Chinese people in Sydney (yup, and I actually was starting to if I really was in Australia)..

a polluted pool of faces

I am drowning in a pool of faces, struggling to keep my head up to breathe a fresh air of self-identity.
This pool of faces is polluted by debris of prejudice, hypocrisy, narcissism and all faces in this pool are suffocating, and yet, they are not aware.
I can see it.. I can see the light of hope, but yet I'm falling deeper and deeper, sucked into this pool by the debris.
I'm doing all I can to save myself, to catch a breath or two whenever possible.
But I'm tired, body fatigued, and I fear the inevitable.
I can't let them win,
I can't let these monsters gobble away my thoughts, my imagination, my very intuition.
Therefore here I am,
This is what I'm leaving of myself,
The next time you find me, I fear that I might just be a skeleton, and empty shell with no soul,
So I must do this,
because these words, a portion of my heart and soul,
will live forever.


P/s: Grace is emo-ing again.

sparks in my head

I have sparks in my head, and it's not a good sign. I'm actually having a headache with sharp pains every now and then like sparks and whatnot.. I took 2 days to just edit the paper and now I'm exhausted. But the thing is, it ain't over till it's over. And knowing Dr. Ummul, I think it ain't over yet.. but at least I have most of the stuff.. it's just a matter of editing the paper. And even then, I'm having problems with it.. man, I've lost my touch after taking a break from writing papers for one year.. it's akin to doing a sudden set of vigorous exercise routines after not exercising for one year. It's painful, it's tough, it's tiring! And not to mention, I have to take breaks every now and then to catch my breath.
But anyway, getting this paper done was not that bad. It was derived from my very own thesis anyway. What's to come is the one that scares me.. the masters proposal. And I'm suppose to get it done before the 23rd. Damn. I thought I didn't have a life... all the more I don't have a life now. The problem with writing academic stuff is that it's so structured, leaving no room for imagination.. and I guess now that my colorful imagination is avoiding me like a plague.. my blog posts have also become boring. And this will lead up to a so-called career for me.. I'm doomed. I'll be so dull. UGH.
Hopefully the next time I post something, it'll be something I deem witty or quirky. Or at least I will try.

Looking back

I realized that the 23rd of April will be my last day working as the research assistant of Dr. Ummul's. Well, it's not really goodbye actually.. I just will be out of work for 3 months, that's all. In fact, I am currently working on a proposal to be admitted into a master's degree and at the same time I'll be working for Dr. Ummul as her research assistant. In other words, I will be researching for my masters and get paid for it for the next 2 years.. can you believe it? Well, I can't! In fact, I'm still thinking that this might all be a dream.. I will be paid for my own research, working under the best supervisor ever (Dr. Ummul, of course), and enjoy the luxury of staying at home.. Hahah, I don't know.. but really.. I still can't believe it either! Now all I have to do is write a proposal and Dr. Ummul will help me edit it.. damn, like I said, I can't believe this is happening!
The point? Oh yeah, if you had told me back then that I will be paid for my intellect, I will probably be laughing my head off. But seemed like it happened. For almost a year. I was paid, for my thoughts on paper, for my ideas and whatnot. Hahahah.. like Dr. Ummul said.. I'm paid to do the thinking for her, and to put it into words. Looks like I'm destined to do this... to be an academician.. to be.. well, the Grace version of Dr. Ummul. Of course, I doubt I'd ever be as good as she is..
Anyway, my post is really messy today. Blame it on the overwhelming feeling I'm having right now.. and well, it's time to get my head down from the clouds and back to work.

The Facebook Irony

I think Facebook users are ironic. Yup, and that does not exclude me.
One thing about those in charge of Facebook is that they don't listen to the users. First, there was the changing from the good old Facebook to the new one. Even during the trial, they knew that there were many who did not like the new version of Facebook. Hah! Did not like. Now, that's an understatement seriously. I could be using words like.. hate, detest, loathe, despise.. and still be polite.
Anyway, the point is, Facebook did not care. And we knew they did not care.. and we griped about them not caring. Some threaten to leave, but did they? Maybe some did, but most of them stayed. But what is so mesmerizing about Facebook? Honestly, I don't know myself. But that's not the point.. point is, why is it so ironic that Facebook users like myself, even though we do not like and do not trust the Facebook's developers, and we complain about the all the time about how they don't listen and how we hate the new layout, we still visit the site faithfully like some loyal users? I don't know... can someone tell me? I would really like to know.
The other irony? Me blogging about it can actually tell you how much Facebook has been on my mind even though I'm trying to stay away from it.. now, that's true irony.

Lifestyle of the rich and the famous

I've decided I do not want to be rich and famous. Seriously. Let me just die a nameless face who nobody knows about.. hahaha.
I was watching some stupid telemovie (stupid as it was, here I am talking about it) the other day about this woman who married a billionaire. And she had no freedom.. everywhere she went, she had to tell the bodyguards, and those freaky men would follow her around.. she had a schedule for each day, telling her what to do, where to go.. and on other occassions, she was just trapped in the big huge mansion with only maids and butlers to talk to.. come on, as much as you would love to have that much money.. is it really worth it? Think about it, the more money you have, the more you'd fear that you'll be assisinated and that your kids will be kidnapped.. what kind of life is that? Ok, so if you had that kind of money.. I still suggest you buy a normal house, wear normal clothes and send your kids to normal schools.. then that money you have.. just spend it gradually so that it won't be so obvious. LOL! That's what I'd do if I ever had that amount of money..
Well, being Hollywood-ish kind of famous is a whole new ball game.. I was watch E! News the other day and they were giving suggestions on how to look like the stars. Did you know, now they actually inject botox at your armpits to stop the sweating?! Hey, hello.. haven't you heard.. sweating is actually good for you.. Oh, and the botox that's in your body a.k.a. "fatty poison"(yeah, that's what it was originally called) isn't gonna help much either.. So, you're pretty on the outside.. but on the inside, you're full of crap.. almost literally.
So, yeah. I do not want to be too rich (a little rich is good to get me by..lol) nor too freakin' famous (I'd like to be recognised by a handful of people). And yeah, you guessed it.. my coffee's doing most of the talking today.. lol.

The coffee queen, overwhelmed and defeated.

Ok, I have handled all kinds of coffee before.. even to the very exotic ones. I've conquered and made sure they were brewed just right. But this time, I've got to admit.. there's one type of coffee I failed at. The Greek Coffee. First of all, it doesn't help that the instructions were all in the Greek language (except the illustrations, thank God) .. what's more difficult, is that it has to be boiled. Yup, no coffee plungers, drip brew, peculator.. but just simply, boiled.
I thought it'd be easier to use a casserole and just scoop it up afterward. Seems easy right? Just like boiling soup. But I was wrong. Firstly, I had no idea how much coffee powder to put, since I have no idea how many cups the casserole is equivalent to (which I was too lazy to measure). And then when I brought the thing to boil, I tasted it.. and it tasted burnt. I have no idea why.. but I hope Greek coffee doesn't actually taste that way, or else, I'd probably stay away from Greek coffee for the rest of my life. In the end, I just gave up. So here's the coffee queen, sitting in front of her laptop, with a whole casserole full of Greek coffee, and yet, has not had her afternoon fix.

I'm starting to think this whole 'coffee expert' thing is self-proclaimed.

Thank you for giving way.

If you have driven on the roads of Johor Bahru and managed to escape unscathed, chances are, you're able to drive anywhere else in the Malaysia. But of course, surviving the roads of JB doesn't actually mean you're not irritated by the stupid inconsiderate drivers.
Yesterday, mom was driving on one of the busy roads when a bus from Singapore just suddenly and rudely barged into her lane and drove right in front of her. Well, and I thought only Malaysian buses are capable of that. Anyway, my mom and I were saying how rude the bus driver was till I suddenly saw something at the back of the bus that made me laugh. It was written..

"Thank you for giving way."


I was thinking, that sign is put up as a license to drive recklessly, and to just be rude. After all, the bus driver did say thank you. So, you can't possibly be angry with him/her anymore can you?

What's wrong with these people?!

Is it so shameful to have a Malaysian accent?? I just don't understand.
I love listening to the radio because of the variety and the funny deejays. But of course, radio isn't radio without the listeners calling in. So, yeah.. some listeners are really funny, but then again, there are a number of them who calls in a pretend that they're Americans. Come on, who's kidding who?! I can hear it immediately.. no matter how you try to speak like an American, there's always the native language influence creeping in. So, if I.. a Malaysian who has never been to America can actually spot the difference, imagine if a native American speaker is listening in? They must be laughing their heads off.
I have a feeling that I have wrote a post about this, but I have been annoyed way too much lately to ignore it. I love being Malaysian, I love eating Malaysian food, and I love speaking Malaysian.. Malaysian English, or Malay (even though I'm not that good at it). I proudly embrace my identity.. do you?

My precious Saviour

Today was one heck of a day. The longest day I've had in awhile. Well, I went to work 30 minutes earlier because mom had to work (dad's clinic receptionist was on leave). So, when I reached, my boss had just arrived as well.. so work began immediately. Btw, the plagiarism workshop is tomorrow and so I knew today was going to be busy. But then again, I wasn't prepared for what was to come.
It started out pretty chilled out. Dr. Ummul told me about her hectic weekend, etc.. then at 11am we had the pre-workshop meeting. That was ok too. And after the meeting, Dr. Ummul and I went for lunch.. Japanese food.. hmm.. not my fave.. but then again, hahaha.. so I guess I finally figured out what caused the real fatigue! We skipped the usual visit to the Starbucks joint since she was full. Really.. I'm used to having my afternoon coffee and so the effect didn't set in till later.
We went back to her office, and she had a meeting while I photocopied all the materials that we needed. After awhile, I felt blur (Malaysian lingo for "faint"). And because of that I made a few stupid mistakes... And I was so angry with myself and thought "That's the reason why I don't like myself very much sometimes.."
Anyway, there came a point when I was doing even the simplest task of stapling the papers together wrongly. And then I felt really helpless and didn't know what to do.. and so I said this:

"Lord Jesus, hold my hand. I need you now. I need your strength"

I knew it would make a difference. I just didn't know by how much. So, I grew blurrer and blurrer, but I knew i'd had to finish what I started (I hate leaving things halfway done). So, just trusting the Lord, I went ahead. And the results were astonishing! My mind froze up, and I couldn't think straight, but amazingly.. I was doing things faster and more accurately that when I was doing some thinking! I knew right away, it wasn't me. It was the Lord :) I could feel that some other force was with me. And so, as I did other tasks, everything went smoothly and I finished after awhile. Tired as I was, but I had the strength to go on. Thank you Jesus! :)

I knew I needed to tell my story right now and right then. This may be a little miracle, but it has touched me so deeply. I know there's a God. And I know my Saviour loves and cares for me, no matter how small the problem is, He's there.

I love you Jesus. You are my one and only precious Lord and Saviour.

Miss Understood

Here's me getting a little emo and armed with a poetic license (since everything doesn't rhyme).


When I don't say things out loud,
it does not mean I don't have an opinion,
it just means that I don't want to argue with you.
When I don't lend a helping hand,
it's not that I don't care,
it's just that I'm too worried about you that I'm afraid I'll screw things up rather than be of help.
When I insist on things done my way,
Sometimes you should just let me be, I'll bear all responsibility and all consequences.
When I'm not there with you
That doesn't mean I do not care, for I am thinking and praying for you.
When I shy away from you,
that's probably when I need you the most.
I'm not perfect nor will I ever be,
But I will help and love you, the best way I know how.


P/S: it must be the rain. I'm usually not like that. :|
it's funny how drops of water and gray skies can make you do weird stuffs.

Orange colored sky

I saw an orange colored sky just at 7.45pm. It's rather unusual, since at about 7.30, it's usually almost dark. It was very pleasing to my eye as I stared out of the window in awe of God's ingenuity.
Well, perhaps this orange colored sky would have gone unnoticed by many people in my area; people who are busy, rushing to go somewhere, or just sitting down watching tv (like *ahem* my dad). A brilliantly painted sky gone unnoticed. That's got to be injustice!
That made me realize how self-absorbed I can be sometimes. Or perhaps, I'm just overwhelmed by what has been placed on my shoulders that I fail to see that this world is actually a lot bigger and beautiful than it seems. Compared to that, I'm insignificant, small and unpretty (although I do feel that way most of the time). And what's more, they are free.
Honestly, nature brought me through some tough times. I remembered when I was writing my thesis, I really struggled to stay sane as the workload was crazy. But however busy, I always made time to make a cup of coffee, and sip it slowly while looking out of the window. Nature (and coffee) was what kept me going, kept me from giving up, and indirectly landed me this job too.

I guess sometimes, all we do need is fresh air and sunshine!

a boring life

I have a boring life. But just recently, it has become even more boring. The things that I have to do is piling up. In case you're wondering, it isn't my job that is the problem. It's my paper, and the latest? My masters proposal. To evade taking the same boring classes, I have decided to do my masters by research. And that means.. coming up with a masters proposal. In the words of my mom "Just write your proposal today lah!" Each time, I would tell her "But it's not that easy, you know..." And she would answer "I know it's not easy."
But seriously. It's not easy. Not that it's the difficult kind of "not easy". It just takes more time than a regular piece of essay. I can't wing it! Especially now that I'm looking at a field that I'm not familiar with. Anyway, so yeah.. I'm reading, trying to understand, and hopefully, I'll be able to piece the stuff together and sound convincing. And if all goes well, and I get accepted.. guess who would most probably be my supervisor? Dr Ummul, of course! What I'm looking at right now is her field of expertise, and I'd rather have no one else to guide me than my good ol' boss. That is, if I get accepted, and they do send me to her.
Anyway, yeah.. so now, most of my time is spent either watching tv, searching for journal articles, reading those articles, or working on my paper. How very interesting. And Facebook? Hopefully it doesn't become non-existent. But right now, it almost seem like it..

Man in the mirror

Ever wondered why Michael Jackson underwent all that plastic surgery (which btw, did make him look like some albino plastic thingy)? I never knew it was sooo obvious! I was watching American Idol where some guy was singing "Man in the Mirror" when I found out the reason why...


I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself
and then make a change

("Man in the mirror" by Michael Jackson)

And changes he did make. The poor guy just wants to make the world a better place. Aww! So sweet!Maybe he's just misunderstood (yea rite).. LOL!!

The Letter M

M is for McDonald's (which was what I had for lunch today)
M is for Malaysian (which I totally am)
M is for Makan (which is Malay for 'eat')

Any Malaysian will tell you that Makan is synonymous to being Malaysian. No way you're separating Makan from a Malaysian (Unless you're an anorexic Malaysian, of course). We live to eat... seriously. Take me for example, Makan is all I've been doing lately. Well, not ALL, but I've had my share of feasts this week.

Tues
I went to Secret Recipe Cafe(best known for their cheesecake) with my boss and my friend Joseph. It's a good thing I only had a a plate of Thai fried rice and an iced cafe latte (sorry guys, I'm not a photo blogger). I almost, could have, nearly, may have, unintentionally downed a cheesecake, but I didn't.. even though my boss started the "Life is short, just eat whatever you want" lecture.. LOL. Yay! So proud of myself.. but I had a big makan anyway.
I went to this place called Marina Seafood for a farewell dinner (makan again?!). Didn't eat much at the seafood place, since I wasn't a big fan of seafood, and was still thinking of the big makan I had during lunchtime. So I didn't eat much. BUT THEN AGAIN! Dad suggested that we had teh tarik (pulled tea) at this Indian restaurant called "7 Spice". I was thinking.. just tea right? Not much harm done. I was wrong. I wasn't planning on ordering anything except iced tea.. but in the end I was tempted enough to order a kashmiri nan. Oh gosh..... so much for not wanting cheesecake. LOL.

Wed
Part two of the farewell dinner. We went to the Indonesian restaurant to eat. Now, I am a big big fan of sambal belacan.. so delicious. There goes my diet again. And worse still, my godmother brought my fave homemade biscotti. OH NO.... Grace is in trouble.

Thurs (today)
I thought I'd buy my dear boss lunch today. So, ok.. we went to Jusco as usual, after walking around.. from KFC she changed her mind to ramen, and then in the end, McDonald's (which is her fave). Hah! Just great... it might be just 6 bucks with the promo now, but it's tonnes of calories. A double cheeseburger and fries, with iced lemon tea. While talking, my boss just suddenly asked "Want coffee?" GREAT. Tempt me with the ONE thing that I can't resist. But then, who can resist a cup of Starbucks coffee? And on top of that, it was all paid for by Dr. Ummul anyway..lol.
I was suppose to go to dinner with my parents and a couple with their son, but I'm having a massive food poisoning. Hehe, good way to lose weight! But honestly, I'd rather do it the less lethargic way.

In the future..

Saturday
My sis will be home. When she's back, there will be LOADS of makan. Hahaha.. I'm not sure what we'll be having, but I'm sure it'll be substantial.

Sunday
I'll be having dinner with my parents, pastor and Uncle Alex. Well, we're going to 7 Spice(the Indian restaurant) again, and when there's Indian food, Grace will eat bizzerkly. So, goodbye diet and hello nan bread, lassi and whatever else is on the table..

Every other Tues and Thurs
Those are my working days. Every time my boss is in during lunchtime, she would always ask me out for lunch. And there would be more food that I can take, and of course, our fave Starbucks coffee (since we're both coffee junkies). So Tues and Thurs are my makan days. Hahaha. Like my boss said today "You're a bad influence on me, and I'm a bad influence on you when it comes to lunch and coffee" Right on, Dr. Ummul :)


Conclusion? All makan and no jalan (literally means 'walk') makes Grace a plump girl.

My most unoriginal post yet.

I first heard this song while watching a compelling drama series entitled "Shark". I realized, this has got to be my life's theme song. It's just dead on accurate. I couldn't have said it better. And the best part, it's by one of my favorite singers.. James Morrison! What can I say, he's just brilliant.. so I will just post his lyrics right here :)

I look at you, you bite your tongue
You don't know why or where I'm coming from
But in my head I'm close to you
We're in the rain, still searching for the sun
You think that I wanna run and hide
I keep it all locked up inside
I just want you to find me

Chorus:
I'm not lost, I'm not lost
Just undiscovered
And when we're alone, we're all the same as each other
You see the look that's on my face
You might think that I'm out of place
I'm not lost, no,no,
Just undiscovered


Well, the time it takes to know someone
It all can change, before you know, it's gone
So, close your eyes and feel the way I'm with you now
Believe there's nothing wrong
You think that I wanna run and hide
I keep it all locked up inside
I just want you to find me

*Chorus*

I'm not running
I'm not hiding
If you deep a little deeper, you will find me

*Chorus*

Morrison, J. (2006) Undiscovered. In Undiscovered. United Kingdom: Universal

When I don't say I love you..

it's not that I don't. Trust me, as long as you're in my life, I do love you. Unless you're just some twat in whom I'm just totally disgusted with and whom I despise. But to think of it, no one in this world fits that description yet... not even Paris Hilton (go figure!).
I'm just not good with expressing myself. I don't hug just anyone, and definitely don't go around kissing people (and be a whole human container full of bacteria), and I don't always tell people I love them. But you know, I do! And I do that in my own little ways.
Sometimes I do things for people so subtly that they don't even know that it was me who did it. And that was an expression of love on my part. I do little things for people who hardly notices them but that's the way I am. I'm subtle. In every sense of the word. Little things from making you a cup of coffee, to just quietly listening to your stories and talking to you, to buying little things for you.. they don't say much, but for me.. it's a way to say I love you :)
So, not that I want to get really mushy here, but I just had to let you, yes you.. whoever you are, know that :)

The day your wallet suffers the most

Ah! Valentine's Day. This means..
1. The Let-all-cut-throat-people-loose day.
2. The day where all who sells anything close to romantic have their chance to recoup any loses they might have had for the past year.
3. The time whereby you're too busy having your head up in the clouds to notice that you're being charged 5 times more than the original price for your meal.
4. The day when you're either really happy or really disappointed with your partner
5. The day when singles like me, try to act as if it's just another "busy" day.

Yup, actually V-day hasn't been had any effect on me. It's been like that for all the years and I somehow convinced myself that V-day is not for people like me. Anyway, hoped you enjoy your Valentine's Day this year :)

** Note: This post is actually a day too late. Blame it on my bent glasses. But then again, it was my glasses that saved me from plunging into depression on V-day. I was too busy being giddy and being bugged by discomfort. So, thank you my good ol' glasses.. though your time is up, you have served me well :)

I made the cut!!

Yes! Yesterday I just received an email from MELTA's Head of Abstracts Committee, saying that my proposal has been accepted! Awesome! :) This is what the email said:

Dear Ms Grace Koh Ming Ai and Dr Ummul Khair Ahmad,

I am pleased to inform you that your proposed abstract for presentation at the 18th Melta Conference has been accepted. Please find attached the Official Letter of Acceptance.

Dr Basil Wijasuriya
Chair
Abstracts Review Committee
Melta 18th International Conference
MELTA


So cool eh? I'm so happy! Dr. Basil also sent a copy of the same email to Dr. Ummul. I wanted to email her to shout for joy (yes yes I know.. you can't shout through email) but I thought, what the heck.. I'll talk to her on Thurs. But just awhile ago, I just checked my inbox for fun, and she sent me an email congratulating me! Hehehe, she's just really funny.. couldn't have done it without her, frankly :)

"yay!" for making the cut and "oh gosh" for the tons of writing and preparation that is to come!