a polluted pool of faces

I am drowning in a pool of faces, struggling to keep my head up to breathe a fresh air of self-identity.
This pool of faces is polluted by debris of prejudice, hypocrisy, narcissism and all faces in this pool are suffocating, and yet, they are not aware.
I can see it.. I can see the light of hope, but yet I'm falling deeper and deeper, sucked into this pool by the debris.
I'm doing all I can to save myself, to catch a breath or two whenever possible.
But I'm tired, body fatigued, and I fear the inevitable.
I can't let them win,
I can't let these monsters gobble away my thoughts, my imagination, my very intuition.
Therefore here I am,
This is what I'm leaving of myself,
The next time you find me, I fear that I might just be a skeleton, and empty shell with no soul,
So I must do this,
because these words, a portion of my heart and soul,
will live forever.


P/s: Grace is emo-ing again.

sparks in my head

I have sparks in my head, and it's not a good sign. I'm actually having a headache with sharp pains every now and then like sparks and whatnot.. I took 2 days to just edit the paper and now I'm exhausted. But the thing is, it ain't over till it's over. And knowing Dr. Ummul, I think it ain't over yet.. but at least I have most of the stuff.. it's just a matter of editing the paper. And even then, I'm having problems with it.. man, I've lost my touch after taking a break from writing papers for one year.. it's akin to doing a sudden set of vigorous exercise routines after not exercising for one year. It's painful, it's tough, it's tiring! And not to mention, I have to take breaks every now and then to catch my breath.
But anyway, getting this paper done was not that bad. It was derived from my very own thesis anyway. What's to come is the one that scares me.. the masters proposal. And I'm suppose to get it done before the 23rd. Damn. I thought I didn't have a life... all the more I don't have a life now. The problem with writing academic stuff is that it's so structured, leaving no room for imagination.. and I guess now that my colorful imagination is avoiding me like a plague.. my blog posts have also become boring. And this will lead up to a so-called career for me.. I'm doomed. I'll be so dull. UGH.
Hopefully the next time I post something, it'll be something I deem witty or quirky. Or at least I will try.

Looking back

I realized that the 23rd of April will be my last day working as the research assistant of Dr. Ummul's. Well, it's not really goodbye actually.. I just will be out of work for 3 months, that's all. In fact, I am currently working on a proposal to be admitted into a master's degree and at the same time I'll be working for Dr. Ummul as her research assistant. In other words, I will be researching for my masters and get paid for it for the next 2 years.. can you believe it? Well, I can't! In fact, I'm still thinking that this might all be a dream.. I will be paid for my own research, working under the best supervisor ever (Dr. Ummul, of course), and enjoy the luxury of staying at home.. Hahah, I don't know.. but really.. I still can't believe it either! Now all I have to do is write a proposal and Dr. Ummul will help me edit it.. damn, like I said, I can't believe this is happening!
The point? Oh yeah, if you had told me back then that I will be paid for my intellect, I will probably be laughing my head off. But seemed like it happened. For almost a year. I was paid, for my thoughts on paper, for my ideas and whatnot. Hahahah.. like Dr. Ummul said.. I'm paid to do the thinking for her, and to put it into words. Looks like I'm destined to do this... to be an academician.. to be.. well, the Grace version of Dr. Ummul. Of course, I doubt I'd ever be as good as she is..
Anyway, my post is really messy today. Blame it on the overwhelming feeling I'm having right now.. and well, it's time to get my head down from the clouds and back to work.

The Facebook Irony

I think Facebook users are ironic. Yup, and that does not exclude me.
One thing about those in charge of Facebook is that they don't listen to the users. First, there was the changing from the good old Facebook to the new one. Even during the trial, they knew that there were many who did not like the new version of Facebook. Hah! Did not like. Now, that's an understatement seriously. I could be using words like.. hate, detest, loathe, despise.. and still be polite.
Anyway, the point is, Facebook did not care. And we knew they did not care.. and we griped about them not caring. Some threaten to leave, but did they? Maybe some did, but most of them stayed. But what is so mesmerizing about Facebook? Honestly, I don't know myself. But that's not the point.. point is, why is it so ironic that Facebook users like myself, even though we do not like and do not trust the Facebook's developers, and we complain about the all the time about how they don't listen and how we hate the new layout, we still visit the site faithfully like some loyal users? I don't know... can someone tell me? I would really like to know.
The other irony? Me blogging about it can actually tell you how much Facebook has been on my mind even though I'm trying to stay away from it.. now, that's true irony.