It's drawing near

It's officially here. The MELTA conference. After months of writing and preparing.. it's here. I almost don't want it to be here, but it is.. and it's time to face the music. But it's a good thing that I sent my proposal in pretty late, so my slot is on the last day of the conference.. so more time to prepare and more time to panic.
It's my first time.. and I wonder which one is pressurizing, to fear that my mind goes blank in front of the crowd of people (or maybe no one wants to come to my presentation anyway...), or to cause my supervisor to lose face (since her name is in the paper too).... wait, maybe it's the combination of both. At least if it was just Grace doing this whole thing, it doesn't matter if she screws it up... I'm a nobody after all.. but noooo, Dr. Ummul is my co-author, and even if I don't do this for my reputation (which I have none), I have to do it for hers. But at least if I do screw up, she won't be wringing my neck immediately.. she's gazillion miles away at the moment.. Hah!
Sigh... it's me being all pessimistic and nervous again... I better stop mopping and start practicing..... at least come Saturday, I'll be free from the conference at last!

Rules are meant to be broken...

I was in some office while my mom was paying taxes, when I noticed a huge (allow me to reiterate... HUGE!) sign with a picture of a mobile phone and a big X on it.. and if that isn't enough, it was written in block letters NO HANDPHONE. And what do you know.. I see this lady standing right beside that great big sign, talking loudly on her mobile phone. I couldn't help but laugh in disbelief. But when I noticed my mom doing the same thing as well (just that she wasn't standing next to the sign)... it was like a slap on the face. Don't people actually read signs anymore?! Oh I'm sorry.. it's not JUST reading it, but UNDERSTANDING it.

Gone were the days when people actually follow rules. Wait a minute, actually I never experienced such a day either. The thing is, people do not follow rules. And I actually get laughed at when I do follow rules closely. My own mom will tell me "You don't have to do that, they don't care". But I do! It's not that I'm goody two shoes (which I probably am, but whatever....) but I find it easier to have a rule to follow. Maybe I'm too rigid? Sigh, whatever..

Anyway, I wonder which is easier... to follow rules that are set or to not follow the rules and complicate the whole thing.. And hey, I do not really follow rules... I drive right pass and beat the amber light anyway.. hahaha! Ok, I'm such a loser..

twit twit

I have twitter. Yes I do. I know some people who are more socially active than I am do not have twitter.. but I do. That doesn't automatically make me cool though..
Ok let's see... yesterday I posted something because my twitter updates were absolutely pathetic.. before that the last post was in December 2008.. yes, I know, pathetic. I have twitter, but unlike some people, I do not post every other minute. I don't even have anything to post.. so much so that I'm posting on my blog that I have nothing to post about.......... interesting.
So why do I have twitter again?? Because the people I follow are pretty cool.. from radio deejays to The Star newspaper to Ellen DeGeneres to some of my cool friends.. I'm really interested to see what people are up to and then compare my life to theirs (which really is pale in comparison...). So that's what I use twitter for.

right. I'm just gonna go now. But if you're on twitter and want to follow me (for whatever crazy reason).. my twitter username is my_saving_grace. Updates not guaranteed though.. lol.

the "trance" in transcribing

Ever thought you heard voices in your head? Well, that was what happened to me for a period of time.. except that this time, it's literal.
Part of my thesis, both the one I had done for my undergraduate degree and the one I am going to do for my masters degree, is collection of data. And this pool of data that I had or am going to have requires me to transcribe real-time conversation or speech. Yup, raw... unrehearsed.. a lot of times ungrammatical... and at times, pure hilarious. And transcribing is a painful process... PAINFUL process... both to the mind, body, and well.. mostly eyes and ears.
The one I did for my undergraduate was audio, where I transcribed based on what I can hear and maybe remember what the gestures were, but this one that I had done for my boss, Dr. Ummul is a video recording.. which means is twice the pain.. I have to record almost every movement that the speaker makes AND every single damn word s/he says. Haha.. I'm just getting myself in real hot soup for the next 2 years or so...
But I'm real proud of myself.. even when I felt like an old lady.. with a sore back, a strained neck and getting all muddled because of the flu bug, I managed to complete the task on time! I painfully transcribed 67 minutes of engineering lecture without having the background knowledge of engineering. And really.. I just made sure I transcribed the lecture without even trying to understand.. because trying to understand will only make my simple mind even more confused. So for the past more than a week or so.. that's what I have been doing. And yay! I'm free from transcribing.. at least for now.

Oh, and for my masters thesis.. I need another 10-15 hours of those stuff.. so I guess that's like another at least 8 hours of pure pain. I'm so looking forward to it (I think). -____-"

Living up to one's name

I was thinking, if everyone had the responsibility to live up to their name... what would it be like? Of course, you can't live up to a name like 'Apple' (you can't act more apple than you are) or 'Seven' (how can someone be very seven?) but... like... Grace. Now, someone I just met the other day, when I told him my name is Grace, he told me "Wow, a girl with a big name".. and I thought to myself, yeah, since I was named Grace.. I should strive to be more gracious, graceful and everything Grace. Or if your name is Victor.. you would try to be victorious in everything right? Or if you're named after a great person, you would still want to live up to that good name..

I used to hate my name. When I was very young, like 6 or 7... my friends would laugh at my name. Most of my friends who were Chinese used to laugh at me because I wasn't known by a Chinese name, and others just couldn't pronounce my name properly. Up to now, there are still people who can't pronounce my name.. but it's a lot better than before (at least it's easy to spell!). And then when I was in secondary school, I had a principal named Mrs. Gracie.. and actually, Gracie is a nickname which I'm known by. Unfortunately, Mrs. Gracie wasn't popular at all (if you get what I mean).. and yet again, I was teased because of my name. So I wasn't a very big fan of my own name.. But as I grew older, I realized the beauty of my name.. the name which I grew to love, the name which is the symbol of all things gentle and good, the name I can proudly call my own, and a name people are envious of! Still, it's a big name to live up to... and damn am I trying my best.

a polluted pool of faces (part 2)

This is a continuation of the previous entry...


Drowning in the pool of faces,
being beaten out of my common sense, stripped of my integrity,
They took even my voice, my chance to speak out to at least call for help.
But then in a distance, i saw a Light
a Light that warmed my soul once again,
that restored my self-identity.
I was initially frightened by this Bright Light,
but I realized this Light knew me, He understood.
Since then,
each time I felt like I was drowning,
This Light picked me up, restored me, and He loved me.
I am still in a pool of faces,
but I stand out because the glow of this Light who loves me, shows on my face.
I no longer fear of drowning in this pool,
because this Light will constantly uphold me, and help me to stay afloat.
I love you, my Bright Light.

The Malaysian in Australia

I shouldn't go for vacations often. Seriously. I was so happy that I lost weight while on vacation, but the minute I came back from Malaysia, I started eating like crazy. I miss my sambal belacan and nasi beriyani, rendang, etc I guess... ugh. There goes my diet. It's weird isn't it? People put on weight while on vacation.. I put on weight after a vacation. Like my friend Julianne from Sydney said,"Grace, you're too Malaysian.. it's sick."
So I'm a sick, overly Malaysian girl.. well, for one, the sick part is right.. I did get sick anyway. It's a good thing it's not some fever (since there's the whole swine flu problem), but just some stuffy nose. But hey.. did you know that the people I met think Malaysians are kinda cool?! My sis and I were sitting at this table during Marianne's wedding reception in Sydney and this guy was talking to two other kids (teenagers, but still kids to me) and he was reading out the menu.. and asked the kids "How do you say it in Malaysian?" I was like pleasantly surprised.. since when is speaking like a Malaysian actually cool? Also, the two Malaysians (my sis and I) were the only two people who were downing the bowl full of sliced red chillis.. and the rest of the people were looking at us eating the red chillis as if we were doing it for their amusement.. they started asking a whole lot of questions about our weird eating habits (weird to them, usual for us..).
See! Being too Malaysian isn't that bad after all.. at least we were deemed cool by the people at our table.. haha. But I'm glad to be back home. I've had enough of getting lost in the city of Sydney, eating bread and drowning in a crowd full of Chinese people in Sydney (yup, and I actually was starting to if I really was in Australia)..