I finally done it

I've done it finally. I've quit my masters. It wasn't an overnight decision. I've struggled with everything concerning my masters for the longest time. And finally I just broke.. and had enough. I know the question is, "If others can do it, why can't you?" My conclusion is that I don't have a head for research. And I'm not going to go literally crazy trying to do something that I cannot do.

I know I've let people down. But what can I do? I just can't do it any longer. If it makes them feel better, put the blame on me.. take my money.. anything. Just don't make me do this. ANYMORE. People complain about their jobs.. but at least they can go to sleep not thinking about their work all the time and if it gets really bad, perhaps they can quit and not be judged.

Not a day goes by while I was doing my masters, that I don't work and think about how time is ticking. I think about it day and night, even on weekends and holidays. All I think about is how I'm going to do my masters.. and even then, I end up with nothing. And thus, because of that, people think I haven't done any work.. and that I've been goofing off all the time. That's far from the truth.. but if it makes them feel any better, let them make that conclusion about me.

There has come a time when I just want my life back. I just want myself back. I realized how much of a monster I've grown to become during this time.. all because I feel stupid for not being able to complete my masters proposal. I told God about how I want to live for Him and serve Him.. but how can I do that when I don't love the people around me, and while in church, instead of worshipping the One who matters the most to me, I can't wait to get back to my books, hoping to gain a glimpse of hope. Little did I know, He is my only Hope.

I honestly prayed about it, and told God that if it was the right decision, that the Spirit will tell me.. that He will grant me peace. And when I had decided to quit, that's when the sky was brighter, burdens were lifted off my shoulder and I experience His utmost peace. I gave it some time to see if that is to change. Nope.. even when my heart was heavy due to the friendship that was broken, I was still peaceful. I know that this is the right decision.

 It is during this time that I've found my comfort in God. That I know He is here for me. And He holds my hand. Nevermind what man thinks of me.. as long as the Lord is for me, I'll be fine. He is my Provider, my Comforter.. and yesterday while reading the bible.. I found this verse:

"The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never faill, for the LORD holds them by the hand" - Psalm 37:23-24

Indeed, I had stumbled. But God is here to catch me. I will get up, I will dust the sand off, and I will continue to walk this path He has called me to. Because ultimately, it's Him who truly matters. And I will keep on seeking Him and hold on to Him, now that I found Him.