The antics of an everyday Malaysian

Please not that these are not placed in a specific order:

1. We never really buy parking coupons, most of us just illegally park our car in front of the bank (for example), and then while waiting for our turn, we crowd around the door, watching out for that one guy who will come and give us the “golden ticket”.. and when he does come, everyone will rush out of the bank, and sit in their cars (that constitutes waiting, and not parking). And they whine when they get a ticket, as if they have been wrongfully convicted. I’m wondering, would you rather spend 60 cents or get a ticket that would cost you 200 bucks?

2. The staff at the supermarkets are always busy putting things back where they belong. The shoppers have the “Let them do their job” attitude, and so you can find things in the most unlikely places… a pack of onions next to the candies, a pack of diapers next to a loaf of bread, the insect repellent next to the coffee.. anything is possible. So don’t fret if you forgot to pick up something on the way to the cashier, it just might appear somewhere along the way.

3. As long as you’re a mamak stall opened at night, with a big screened television, you will never run out of business. Whether it’s just hanging out, talking about nothing in particular, or watching a football match on the big screened television, Malaysians love going to the mamak stalls. So don’t worry about your little, humble mamak stall, as long as your have teh tarik, roti canai and a big screened television, you should be expecting some customers.

4. Language is our forte. Apparently those who speak Malaysians can speak a bit of every language.. consider this guy having a meal at a mamak stall telling his friends:

“That fella so kiasu.. I never expected him to be like that. He wanna cheat other people, let him cheat, but I’m his good friend, you know.. how can. I so geram lah. *calls the waiter* Ah-neh, teh tarik satu lagi!”

In two sentences, you have a mixture of Chinese (kiasu), English, Malay(geram; teh tarik satu lagi). I rest my case.

5. Malaysians love their food. We are always talking about food. So, even if two people have nothing at all in common, food is always a good topic to build rapport. Whether it’s places to eat, specific food, recipes, how to cook a certain dish, a Malaysian being Malaysian… regardless of age, occupation, and gender, will always be interested in talking about food. When providing supper.. the first thing people always ask me is “Where did you buy this?” And then this will follow:

A: You know, there’s really good thosei at (the name of the restaurant)

B: Har? Where is that?
A: Oh near Danga Mall

C: No lah, that’s not so nice.. the one at (the name of the restaurant) is nicer. It’s at Taman Perling.

So this conversation will last for at least the next 10 minutes before moving on to another topic of conversation. To Malaysians, talking about food is like a greeting, it breaks the ice… we are not ashamed to say that we’re crazy about our food.

6. The funny thing about Malaysia is that if there is a traffic jam on the roads, we know that it is most probably not caused by the accident itself, but by the drivers who slow down their cars to take a peek of what happened. Imagine, one after another, cars driving at 20 km/h to “investigate”… a traffic congestion is a sure thing. And in Malaysia, when there is an accident, loads of people would be crowding round the victim, sucking up all the air that he/she needs to at least live, and yet nobody does anything to help.

Note: This might not represent all Malaysians, but it is based on my observation thus far (including my own antics). And it solely for entertain purposes, so don’t take it too seriously. Relek lah brudder!